I'm Sorry
by lostbutnotforgotten
Summary: Thatcher gives Meredith a long overdue apology.


**A/N: Okay, this is different than what I normally write. I actually wrote it a long time ago when it was stuck in my head and then just found it and thought I'd post it. The whole thing is just Thatcher's speech that he's giving at his AA meeting when he gets his five year chip. I don't think it's that hard to understand but let me know if it is. I just wanted to give Mer one moment when one of her parents actually acts like a parent, at least a little. Thanks. I hope you like it. : )**

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><p><strong>I'm Sorry<strong>

Hello, my name's Thatcher and I'm an alcoholic. I am 1825 days sober. That's five years sober today. God it's good to say that. It's been five years since my last drink. It's been a great five years too. I've gained two beautiful new grandchildren. I've gotten married. I've found peace with myself and with the people I love.

If you would have asked me five years ago I would have told you that there was no way my life could turn out like this. No way could I ever have this kind of happiness again. And I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has helped me get here and most of all I want to say thank you to one person.

You see, around four and a half years ago I was ready to give up. My liver was failing and I was just so _ashamed_ of myself that I thought it would be for the best if I just died; if I never had the chance to mess up my family again.

But one person knocked some sense into me and saved my life. My daughter Meredith. Four and a half years ago she gave me part of her liver and saved my life, but without realizing it she gave me something else. She gave me hope, and with that, she saved my soul.

I was never anything to her. I was never her father. I was heartless and cruel while she was compassionate and wise. I don't know how she managed to become such an amazing person even in the crappy world that she grew up in but I am _so glad_ to know her.

She told me once that you can't blame the world's evils on alcohol and even though right here in this room it would be easy to disagree, she's right. That's why I'm going to do something just a little bit different tonight. As alcoholics we are told to apologize for every bad thing we did to others while we were on alcohol but tonight to my beautiful daughter Meredith I'm going to apologize for more than that. I have more than 30 years' worth of apologizing to do to that wonderful woman and I'm going to start tonight.

Meredith thank you for coming, I know these kinds of things make you uncomfortable and I'm sure it's even worse since I'm talking about you but you've once again put me ahead of yourself and come to support me. So I guess my first apology will be for embarrassing you like this.

God, now that I'm up here I don't even know where to start.

I'm sorry for every bad thing that's ever happened to you. I know most of them are my fault. I'm sorry for never loving you the way you deserved. I'm sorry for leaving you behind when you were just a little girl.

I'm sorry for all the chances you've given me that always seem to blow up in your face. I'm sorry for always putting my pain ahead of yours. I'm sorry that when Susan died I called you a murderer. My actions on that day will follow me into eternity and I know hell wouldn't be bad enough. I'm so unbelievably sorry for hitting you.

I'm sorry for all the ways that I've never been good enough to deserve you. I'm so sorry for all of the things that I let your mother do to you. I'm sorry for leaving you with her; I was such a coward. I'm sorry for everyday you've ever felt unloved or unwanted. I know there have been more of those days than the good ones. I'm sorry for every time you've ever felt like less than you are, which is amazing.

I'm sorry I never let you meet your sisters. I'm sorry that when you finally did meet them it was by accident when you weren't expecting it.

I'm sorry you had to give me your liver and I'm sorry for all the physical pain that caused and the time you had to miss at work. I know you love your job and you are such a _great_ doctor. I'm sorry for showing up drunk at your work and embarrassing you.

I'm so sorry for every moment in your life when you've been lonely or hurt or scared and should have had a dad to protect you and be there for you.

I could go on forever and ever but I had better start to wrap this up before they turn the lights off on me. You are so strong, and I'm glad that you are, but I'm sorry that you've had to be.

I want to dedicate this five year chip to you. There are so many reasons why it wouldn't have been possible without you.

I love you so much Meredith and, more than anything, I'm sorry that this is the first time I've ever told you that.

**END**


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